I was watching Mary Poppins and discovered an interesting thing: you can sing "Go fuck yourself" to the tune of "Go Fly a Kite". It works quite well if you sing it to yourself when dealing with bastards, for example at the bank. Make sure you are singing IN YOUR HEAD. That was where I made my mistake. Not that I call it a mistake when the cashier is crying when you leave the bank. I call that a success.
It would also have been useful for Miss Aimson when we went for a walk in the Goyt Valley the other day. People get totally outraged when The Aimsons go for a walk; us dressed in our ordinary clothes and Miss Aimson dressed Gothy (which is her ordinary clothes). It makes people either angry or they think it is hilarious. In the Goyt we were walking on a tarmac road, which hardly needs Bear Grylls-type skills and Miss Aimson was wearing a long librarian coat in black and carrying a notebook, which she occasionally wrote in. One man looked at her and laughed straight in her face. "Go fuck yourself" we could have sung in a jolly Mary Poppins style. It is completely possible to walk outside without dressing at Mountain Warehouse, and people have been poeting in the English countryside quite as long as they have been hiking in it.
And if he wasn't such a **** of a townie he might of known that. He can go fuck himself. Mary Poppins told me to say that.
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